Golf – Don’t you Love it?

THE NATURAL LAWS OF GOLF

1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a
much earlier age.

2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually
the beginning of the next group of three.

4. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down
again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you
ever want to see it again.

5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes – - or at a minimum of
not at all.

6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during
your swing.

8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one
more club or two more balls.

9. If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome
ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can
immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball
halfway there.

10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas
about the golf swing.

11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of
the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all
of your many other errors.

12. If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.

13. Golfers who claim they don’t cheat, also lie.

14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.

16. It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like
expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

19. It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.

20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
tree.

21. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the
way you meant to play it.

22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch
branch 90% of the time.

23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two
triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply
try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

25. To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the
speed of his backswing by his handicap. Example: backswing 20 mph,
handicap 15, downswing 300 mph.

26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the
top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and
which one is wearing the glove.

27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.

28. You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no
golfer can put “straight” on the ball.

29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your
ball is in the bunker.

31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

32. Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.